How to be thankful

The holidays this year have been and will be difficult for me. This is the first holiday season without my mom. So many of my holiday memories revolve around her. The food, the decorations, the traditions… she seems to be the center of all of them. While talking to my sisters about my difficulties and not wanting to cry in front of my in-laws, they shared the same issues and concerns. One said (and I hope she doesn’t mind me repeating this) that she broke down in front of her in-laws while they were saying things they were thankful for that year. She could only think of all the things she was not.

In a year like this, it’s easy to only think of the bad. When one horrible life event happens, it becomes difficult to think of any of the good. But her comments got me thinking. Yes, this has by all means been a horrible year, the worst of my life. This year only furthers my weird thing with hating odd numbers. In the year 2015, 10 days after I turned 27, my mom passed away. Bad year, ugly age. However, life can’t be about focusing on the negatives and living in sorrow. I think of my mom everyday but most days in a positive way. I am thankful for the memories I do have of her and the time I got to spend with her. I’m thankful we ended with a very good relationship because I know I was a difficult kid at points and we had some not so great years. I’m thankful that she got to walk me down the aisle with my dad. It might have seemed like an odd thing to do at the time but I am so happy I decided to go outside tradition.

When I reflect back on other aspects of my year, I have plenty to be thankful for. I’ve grown so much this year and I have triathlons to thank for that. Yes, I’m physically in the best shape of my life but it’s grown me as a person as well. I’ve had some races I’m very happy with and plenty of first time races/distances. I am thankful for my body. This body that I beat the crap out of week in and week out for the sake of finding joy. While I complain my body is a piece of crap that breaks down all the time, I know in the end it will heal, just like my broken heart from losing my mom. It takes time. And I am thankful I have this time, on this earth, for all those things, both good and bad.