Letting Go

I’ve hired a coach. I’ve been debating a lot if it was worth the cost and in the end I decided yes. I want to show up race day knowing I’ve done the best training I could have and be injury fee and I feel that a coach is the way to do that. Although I could make it to my current races sufficiently prepared, that’s not going to be enough for what I have in mind for next year. The problem is I knew I wasn’t training properly in regards to doing proper base training and easy-run-this and interval-that. I hate seeing any running number that starts with double digits because to me that means slow. And because of that I never did true easy or recovery runs.

It’s hard for my type-A, number-ODC, spreadsheet-loving personality to give up control but it’s what I need. I might not listen to myself but I know I’ll listen to someone else (let’s not dig into that issue right now). So I’m passing off control and letting go. I’m letting someone else call the shots. It will be hard for me when all I want to do is run faster and instead I watch the 10s and 11s (ouch) roll by. Even harder when I tell my husband my pace and his respond is “holy crap that is slow”. Thanks. It was also be hard when all I want to do is go easy but I have to go hard. But that is why I need to let go. If I call the shots, I will give in to what my brain says in the moment or go whatever pace I randomly feel like that day. In the end it will be worth it to let it all go. I also know that not planning my own training means I don’t have to think about it as much which will hopefully be one less thing keeping me up at night (pleeeease! I need sleep!).

This also meanings letting go the ability to train with other people whenever I want. I often would change my training schedule so I could train with other people even if it didn’t really make sense. I knew I shouldn’t be doing it and yet I did it anyway and my training has suffered some because of it. I know this will make training lonelier but I have accepted that. I can only hope my friends can accept that and will support me for my decisions. I’ve heard the road to ironman can be lonely. This will be my taste of that.

But with the loneliness of training also comes a new support system. I’m happy to say I’m now part of team amazing day! I’m super excited to have Katie as my coach. So I’ve thrown my mess of training into Katie’s lap with less than 7 weeks before my first HIM. I'm ready for her to stomp all over my training and tell me to slow the f down on the run, and stop my heart rate yo-yoing on the bike, and chill out on hills. I'm ready for all of that because deep down I've known all along what I've been doing wrong and now it's time for someone to stop me in my tracks and set the path straight. Can’t wait to see how rest of my training goes rest of this year and where it takes me next year. 

And in case I forget to let it go... feel free to sing to me. Aren't my coworkers awesome? They managed to combine my two work nicknames into one pictures - Ice Queen & The Hammer.

 

Weekly Run-Down

Swam: 10,000m

Rode: 126 miles

Ran: 24 miles

Strength training: 0… oops

Total hours: 16

Phew! Another week of records for me for amount swam, rode and overall training time. I was really suffering this week getting back into the heat. My runs were slow and really really sweaty. But then again that’s almost always the case. Hearing your shoes squish because there is so much sweat in them is such a magical sound. Also, watching your husband’s expression when you try to get into his car (there was a towel on the seat) after running is priceless. He didn’t seem to believe me that I had just finished wiped myself down and was somehow already covered in sweat again.

Friday I explored new territory during my ride. I got to moo at some cows and almost ride into some very large vultures who decided to leave their meal and fly right in front of me. I’m starting to think it’s impossible to go on a ride where you don’t pass several churches. Or better yet, churches without a cemetery. It seems the further out you go, the fewer houses there are and the more churches with cemeteries there are. The ratio boggles my mind. I also made my first horrible attempt at a selfie while riding. I know, judge me for being that person. I judge myself.

From then on I got a lot of quality girl time since the hubby was out of town. The best part of hanging out with fellow runners is we are all equally lame and want to drink water and go to bed early. Friday included us whipping up a meal and watching half a movie (bed time!). Saturday started with the run downtown and farmers market for bread routine, and it was all topped off with pedicures and Magic Mike XXL … a girl can’t ask for much more.

Sunday was a weird mixture of ride, run, ride, run. This was so I could ride with some new people which is always enjoyable especially when you keep riding the same loop. I decided to split the run up since I had time in between the rides. Each run was a sad 1.5 miles which included walking. When I had to walk during my short run after my last 60 mile rides, I was so frustrated. I felt disappointed in myself that I had to walk and that I couldn’t even bring myself to finish the distance I had planned. This time, I was at peace with my decision to walk and do such a pitiful distance. I knew I was still putting the effort into the run that I needed to. It was hot, I was tired and my HR was staying up which is all I can really ask for. Being annoyed at myself was not going to accomplish anything. Instead I focused on the positives. I’m slowly figuring out how to fuel. I brought enough calories and didn’t even eat a lot of it but never hit a low point. I figured out that 4.5 bottles of water/EFS for 60 miles on the bike and 3 miles of running is not enough water on a hot day. Not even with the extra bottle I was able to fill at a church (ha of course a church). Since 5.5 is not enough, now I’m thinking 7? I drank like crazy when I got home. I learned that I still need to play around with the calories I take in and how often to take them. Chugging mass amounts at once, which leads to burping, which leading to throwing up a bit in your mouth is not exactly ideal. So I learned and learned what else I need to learn. Progress, that’s what I’m here for. Hopefully forward moving progress.

Alaska, baby!

For some reason I keep thinking Alaska, baby because London, baby keeps going through my head. Maybe because we had to step into a map at Victoria. 10 points if you know the reference. I already miss Alaska purely for the weather. Going from 50s to 90s kind of blows and by blows I mean blows my heart rate up. I also miss the views. I forgot how much I like living in a place where I can see mountains. So here are some pictures so all of you can enjoy the views as well! How many seals can you count (please don't include me in the  count)?

It’s been a while since all four of us girls have been together this much so I forgot what it was like to get all the comments about my parents having four daughters. I had a blast spending time with my sisters and miss living near the older two. 

Sadly I did not take any pictures of food, probably because I was too busy eating it nonstop. Instead I’ll let you imagine how much food there was based on the 5 lbs I gained. Let’s just say the food was very yummy, especially the half dozen desserts I had every day. Yay for constantly feeling hungry and going through sugar withdrawals now. When debating about doing the Miami HIM in October I posted on a triathlon training Facebook group to see if it was a bad idea since I have a cruise 3 weeks before. A lot of people commented on the food which I didn’t think was going to be a problem because I thought I could control myself. Boy was I wrong! Soooo glad I decided against doing that race although instead I’m doing a race 7 weeks earlier and will probably feel unprepared. Oh well.

I'm off...

Today has not been a good day for me and I can't even pinpoint exactly why.  I had a tough swim this morning. Longer than I've ever gone before and tough sets. It made me realize I haven't pushing myself enough in my swim training. I normally have hard sets toward the first 1/2 or 1/3 of the workout and then the rest pretty "easy". Today it was a mix of hard to the very end and it wore me out. I can't remember the last time I felt sore from swimming but today I feel it. And that my friends, feels good.

What does not feel good is how I felt once I got to work. I've felt light headed and sort of dizzy and my head feels warm the way it feels running outside in the heat. I thought maybe it was dehydration and after drinking a lot it helped a little but as I physically started feeling better, mentally I felt worse. I know what it's like to feel plain exhausted from training but that not what this is.

I've been going through a very tough life event for the last few months. I've held it together for the most part but I think it's been slowly wearing on me and today I broke. Broke in a way that left me fighting tears at my desk suddenly for no apparent reason. I'm feeling stressed and emotionally drained and tired. So very tired.

I can't fall asleep at night no matter how exhausted I feel. You would think waking up at 4:30 to swim and then bike in the evening would make it so I could fall asleep and sleep well but it just doesn't. My mind is always going a mile a minute and I can't calm it. I even tried a sleeping pill to help get me back on local time but I still couldn't fall asleep. The more I think about it the more I can't fall asleep. I think "even if I fall asleep right now it will be less than 6 hours" which further stresses me out. It's an awesome cycle. It's so frustrating and I know it affects me in my work, my training and my overall health and I don't know what to do to fix it. How has the magic solution? Is it meditation? Hot shower? Shot of tequila?

So I took the afternoon off from work. Although I could have worked through the physical aspects, mentally I'm struggling and sometimes "illness" is a mental thing. I'm of no use when I can't focus on anything for more than a minute. Hopefully these few extra stolen hours will help me get my shit together and she certainly helps...

Weekly Run-Down x2

I’m a week behind because of my cruise so I’ll quickly recap the last two weeks.

One week ago:

Swam: 9000m

Rode: 124 miles

Ran: 18 miles

Strength training: 1hr

Total hours: 15 hr 15 min

This week was focused on swimming and biking since I knew I’d be mostly limited to running on my cruise. This was the most swimming I’ve ever done in a week since I swam three times. Had a great swim Friday where I broke 30 minutes for 1500m for the first time (still slow I know). Also the most I’ve ever biked. I did a lot of easy miles this week both running and cycling. Saturday was my key workout in hopes to tire myself before the long flight. The plan was 60 mile ride followed by 3-4 mile run. I really don’t like having ranges because I rarely do the max amount since I have the excuse to do less. Before this ride my longest distance was 50 miles and I hadn’t done that distance in a month so 60 miles was bound to be difficult irrelevant of the run. I’m also still fairly clueless about nutrition which is a problem when you’re riding for so long. I’m starting to get a better idea of what products I need to experiment with but the problem is I didn’t have any at that time. My nutrition was pretty much whatever I could find in the pantry that I could easy eat on the ride. This included Clif energy bar, Shot Bloks, granola bar, applesauce like thing in a pouch and Accel-gel. First off not enough calories, secondly, too many solids. None of my calories came from pure liquids. I drank 4 bottles (some with nuun) during the ride and that was not nearly enough for how hot it was. You can imagine how the ride went based on all this. I was dehydrated, low on calories, doing my longest ride to date and had to run afterwards. The last 10 miles were bad, I slowed way down. Once I finished, I changed into running shorts and shoes, threw a hat on and headed out. At this point it was around noon and 90F with no clouds and no shade. I was miserable. My heartrate was freaking out. After 1 mile I started to walk but after walking for 2 minutes my HR had barely dropped. I sent 1.25 miles alternating about equal parts running and walking. At 2.25 miles I gave up. Didn’t even make it to the low end of my range. Instead of being annoyed with how poorly it went, I’m looking at all the lessons I learned. Now I know all the things I need to improve on and figure out. I finished the week off with a run from my hotel in Seattle where I accidently had my watch on indoor mode. Oops.

This week:

Swam: Big fat zero

Rode: 39 miles (all on stationary bike)

Ran: 30 miles (all on treadmill)

Strength training: 1hr

Number of elevator rides: 0

Number of stairs (mostly heading towards food): 357392

Number of desserts at lunch AND dinner: 2-3

What a way to approach a recovery week. Reduced hours with a heavy side of food. Doing a cruise in the middle of training season is a very bad idea for two reasons: limited in what you can do for training and food. Ah the food. I’m going to guess I ate at least twice as much as I normally eat, maybe three times as much. I didn’t even try to control myself. I’m sure my sisters were slightly horrified with the amount of food I ate especially when it came to desserts.

I had high hopes on what I could do in regards to training but the ship let me down. It wasn’t a very big gym and it was fairly crowded every day. The spin bikes could only be used for spin classes which you had to pay for and were only offered three times the whole trip at bad times. The “endless” pool wasn’t working so that removed swimming. So lots and lots of treadmill running… shot me. In regards to running, I was very pleased with how it went. I hadn’t been on a treadmill in months and I’ve been running in hot weather for a while now. I’m still debating how much of my performance was based on those factors. As much as I hate treadmill running I do see the benefits. For the most part I didn’t have any of the pains I’ve been experiencing the last several weeks. I suck at pacing myself so treadmills at least force you to go at a set speed. I was very good about always starting with a warm up mile. Did several runs where I would increase speed every mile or half mile. I was rather surprised about how low I was able to keep my heart rate to the point where I had to run under an 8 mile pace to get it above 160 bpm during a work out. That’s a pace I’m not familiar with at all. Felt kind of odd to be running that “fast”.  So if I had to grade myself on the week, running: A, food: F. At least I’m feeling pretty rested at this point and ready to jump back into some hard training. Excited to jump back into the pool and onto the bike (except for my crotch which has truly enjoyed the break). Three weeks to go before my first race.