Forward Motion

At the end of last year I debated long and hard if I wanted to continue down the triathlon path or if I wanted to only focus on running. When I decided to continue with triathlons, I then debated long and hard if I wanted to bump up to the next distance, from sprint to olympic. It’s funny how it didn’t take nearly as much debating to decide I wanted to do a half (deciding what race was a different story). Lake Logan had been my A race all year long, up until a few weeks ago when I signed up for a half. Even still, I was truly excited for this race. After my first race specific training session this week, I was excited to see what I could pull out on race day. I was ready to surprise myself or maybe disappoint myself. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was counting on this race to give me a feel of what to expect from myself during the half. Although this race was just a small stepping stone on my triathlon journey, it still meant a lot to me.

In the end, it doesn’t matter. It’s just a race. A race I decided not to do because I need to be with family. I think finally accepting I couldn’t race made me also realize just how real all of this is. I think I’ve been able to hold back some of my emotion by focusing on the race and now that focus is falling apoart. So instead I’m heading to VA to be with my mom and family because that is what is important in life.

The events of these past several months have shaped my season into something I wasn’t expecting. I’m not sure what to expect as I move towards my new A race. I don’t know what my training will shape up to be, not because I’m not physical able, but because I don’t know what I’ll want to do. The drive needs to be there to roll you out of bed at 4:30, to push hard during 10x100 swims or even to control myself to keep my heart rate down when all I want to do is sprint through the my emotions. What I do know, is I need to remind myself of my promise about the half. That this would be a fun race, a race to see what I could do, to see what this distance was about, not a race for time. Next year is for actually racing. This year is about forward motion, whatever that might look like, one step at a time. I’m not doing my first A race. Moving on.