Upstate Splash 1.2 OWS Race Report

I discovered this inaugural race a few weeks ago and felt very strongly that I should do it after I decided to skip Lake Logan. At the time I’d only done one open water swim during my last triathlon in May. For me this race was mostly about getting comfortable with OWS and improving on some skills you don’t need for pool swimming.

They offered 1.2 and 2.4 miles. I took 1.2 since that’s what I have to do for my HIM and I honestly don’t think 2.4 would have gone very well. I decided to give myself a goal time. The last time I did 1500m in a pool I did it under 30 minutes and that was almost 2 months ago. I figured I should be able to hold a similar pace for this so I was aiming for less than 38 minutes, a pace I was also hoping I could do during my HIM.

My husband and pup came along for the race. We hung out near the water until it was time for me to warm up while the 2.4 people were taking off. Oddly enough I think maybe only one or two other people warmed up. I registered on site so I automatically got put in the last wave which means it was a mixture of swim abilities. Blow horn went off and off we went.

There were a few things rolling through my head during the swim. My first thought was find bubbles. I’m new to the idea of drafting but I was told to find bubbles since that would mean there were feet. I tried finding feet to hope on to but everyone was swimming at different paces and then everyone was pretty spread out. Bubbles were nowhere to be found most of the race. Second skill I wanted to improve on was sighting. My last OWS I kept going really wide and I was determined not to do that this time. Well I failed at that. I kept veering to the right and found myself away from everyone else. About half way out I was starting to improve on a straight line though. On the way back I then started veering to the left and almost swam right into a buoy twice. I’m thinking current? Sure, we’ll go with current. There was some chop which was a new experience for me. Swallowed a few mouths full of water while sighting as tiny wave decided to crash right into my mouth. Overall, nothing terribly eventful about the swim.

The problem with swimming is it’s difficult to check your pace. I thought about checking my watch at the turn around but decided against it and kept chugging along. I felt like I was holding a decent pace. My breathing was hard but not “omg I can’t breathe” hard. My arms felt tired. Could I have pushed harder? Yes. It was probably a good effort for a triathlon where I’d have to bike and run afterwards but I don’t think it was enough for a swim only race.

After I crossed the “line” I stopped my watch and blinked in disbelief at my time. 44:47 (posted time 44:42). What? How? How could I be so far off from my goal time? I had my husband do the yard to mile conversion to find out I swam 1.28ish which accounts for less than 3 minutes. That’s still about 4 minutes over my goal time. I wasn’t happy to say the least. I was hoping to nail this race. This race was meant to give me confidence for my HIM. It did the exact opposite. Shit, if I can’t my goal pace during the swim, my strongest event, on a swim only race, how is my race going to go?

I went home and did my run right away to get it over with during which I let the self-doubt stomp all over me. My HR was out of control and I was going slowly. The next day I had a 3.5 hour ride followed by a run. I can’t remember the last time I felt this miserable on a bike. I wanted to throw my bike to the goats and walk home. My legs felt exhausted and I struggled to get my HR above the bottom of my range. My body’s effort did not match my HR or pace. I had zero interest in eating and struggled to get food down. All the time I’m mentally battling myself. I kept reminding myself that I’m supposed to feel exhausted at this point, get over it and keep pushing and then going back to doubt about my abilities and how I’ll do on the race. After the ride I was so happy to get off my bike and start running. Once my Bambi legs disappeared I settled into what I thought was a comfortable pace which turned out to be faster than the goal pace. For the first time since the swim I was started to get a bit of confidence back. And funny enough from running, my weakest event. Katie also helped talk me off the ledge saying all my efforts looked good but to take it easy today and eat a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever been advised to eat a lot but I’m happy to comply.

Still not feeling great mentally but I’m trying to give myself a break. I’m tired and had some bad days. I need to learn to write my comments, click the X on the window, and move on. There will always be bad days. There will also be good days. Just because swimming is good one day doesn’t mean my swim will be good the next day or that my run will be good the same day. Everything takes turns of going up and down. I need to avoid reading into either the good or bad too much. Instead focus on the trend and the progress. Less than two weeks until HIM, time to wash away the negativity.

And because my husband is the worst race photographer ever, I have only landscape pictures. So I’ll supplement with a picture of Nikita and me hanging out by the pool from later in the day.

Swim Mojo

These past few weeks have really brought me down, emotionally and as a result I’m sure physically. Swimming was always my strongest of the three and by far my favorite. However, that has not been the case the last month or so.

Part of it was hiring a coach. Let me explain before you think I don’t like my coach. I love having a coach and Katie is great. Before I started working with her I did the same two swim workouts each week. Each workout had some hard work towards the beginning but then second half was mostly pretty easy. The workouts Katie writes for me is a solid mix of hard with some easy the whole way through and often times the toughest part towards the end. I think it’s taken me several weeks to adapt to this change and that has been difficult for me. However, it’s EXACTLY what I need to get better. Plus the variety is awesome.

The other part is life. The recent event has been very difficult for me. Obviously this would affect me emotionally and mentally but I think it’s clear the stress has also affected me physically. All of this in turn affected me very negatively in the pool. For the first time I started dreading any part of the swim I had to do for time. If I saw “10x100 max effort for time” on the schedule I would stress about it all week. When it came time to execute it I would doubt myself and how hard I could push myself. Before I even started it seemed like I gave up. During it there would be a constant battle in my head between “give up” and “don’t disappoint Katie and myself, keep pushing”. I was afraid I’d use life events and stress as an excuse to give up and I was so tempted to do just that several times.

Between traveling and temporary pool closures I’ve used three different pools since I’ve started working with Katie, all different lengths. This has made it very difficult to determine what my progress has been. I couldn’t look at data to tell me if the hard work was paying off or if the stress was hurting my times. During this time I FINALLY learned how to do a flip turn. Yes, I know, it’s embarrassing that after all this time I just now forced myself to learn it. I’ve also started using paddles for the first time which I love! Started bringing a bottle to the pool to hydrate during the swim and started eating something before swimming. Lots and lots of positives and yet I only focused on the negative feeling.

Today I had 400 time trial on the schedule and yet I didn’t stress about it one bit. I prefer longer swim sets over short ones. I mostly wasn’t thinking about it because for the first time I had “fly” during a set and I have zero idea how to do butterfly. I attempted it for the first time quickly Sunday evening in the privacy of my neighborhood pool when I was all alone. It was horrible. I looked like I was a fish out of water or trying not to drown or something. Certainly felt like I was trying not to drown because I couldn’t figure out how to get my head high enough and swallowed a large mouth full of water once. I decide to swap “fly” for “fly drills” and even that was pretty interesting. But even though I figured it would be a disaster, I didn’t stress about it, I smiled about it. Every time I thought about having to try it, I actually smiled because I knew how ridiculous I’d look and I was ok with that.

Come time for the 400 TT I just went into it without much thought or care what my final time would be. And guess what you guys… I crushed it. Even my 4x100 at the end were faster than my 10x100 time trial I did two days earlier. I started the swim not stressing and just going out for fun and that’s what I found. I bought a new suit, a two piece which I was trying out for the first time. I thought it was time to not take myself so seriously and buy a suit I wanted versus the typical suit every other female wears. Don’t worry, it was still meant for lap swimming. And as stupid as it sounds, I feel like I’ve found my lucky suit.

Today I found my swim mojo again. It’s been gone for a long time but I’m so happy it’s coming back. And about time since I have my first 1.2 OWS race this weekend and you bet I’ll be wearing my new lucky suit. I’m digging myself out of the hole I’ve been in for a while. I know I still have work to do but it’s a start. One good day at a time. I should mention my morning took a sharp turn in the other direction but I’m trying to focus on the positive. So that was a whole lot of blabbering to pretty much say I’m starting to swim better but I’m just happy to have something happy to talk about right now. Happy hump day.

Saying Goodbye

Where has the time gone? These past two weeks are a blur. So much has seemed to happen and yet really only one thing happened. One major thing. On August 13^th my mom passed away. Four months after her diagnosis. It has been a long four months, but these two weeks have been the worst of all. I’ve been away from home, in VA taking care of my mom during her last week and in Utah saying goodbye.  

Coach Katie has been aware of everything since I started working with her and she’s been fantastic. She suggested I take a few days off from training but I can’t. Not because I’m concerned with my race coming up but because I need it. It’s a place where I can let it all go and maybe even find a little peace, even if only for an hour. There has been some crying during runs or rides (luckily not swims because that would result in inhaling water). Moving my body helps. I know all of this is wearing on me but I have no sense of how much it’s affecting my body. I know I feel exhausted all the time no matter how much sleep I get. I know I’ve gone back into emotional eating which includes lots and lots of desserts. Training is the one thing I’ve held onto in regards to taking care of myself. Hopefully the other pieces will start to fall back into place.

I read something comparing grief to waves. I found in very accurate. At first the waves are big and rough and you cannot surface from the storm. Over time the waves still come and sometimes come unexpectedly but they are smaller and more manageable. I’m not through the storm yet but I can see clearer skies ahead and need to fight my way to the calmer water. It will take time, I know this. It will take time for the shock to wear off and for the horrible truth to fully set in. My mom is gone.

My mom’s wishes were very clear on not wanting a funeral. One of her wishes was to have some of her ashes spread on Ben Lomond. I always told my mom I’d fulfill the wish by hiking to the summit even if it meant going by myself. And by myself I went.

 

On this mountain I found peace. A type of peace I cannot truly put into words but in washing over me in a way that made me both smile and cry at the same time. There were other events that followed, a shorter hike with a select group and a small gathering where her parents were buried. There was a lot more crying and plenty of laughter. Our family has a unique sense of humor and it helps ease the sadness. But the hike is where I truly said goodbye.

In the words of Whinnie the Pooh: If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.

Ben Lomond was the perfect backdrop for the cemetary where the remaining ashes were spread. The hike started on the right side of the picture near the valley and ended at the peak on the left side.

Forward Motion

At the end of last year I debated long and hard if I wanted to continue down the triathlon path or if I wanted to only focus on running. When I decided to continue with triathlons, I then debated long and hard if I wanted to bump up to the next distance, from sprint to olympic. It’s funny how it didn’t take nearly as much debating to decide I wanted to do a half (deciding what race was a different story). Lake Logan had been my A race all year long, up until a few weeks ago when I signed up for a half. Even still, I was truly excited for this race. After my first race specific training session this week, I was excited to see what I could pull out on race day. I was ready to surprise myself or maybe disappoint myself. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was counting on this race to give me a feel of what to expect from myself during the half. Although this race was just a small stepping stone on my triathlon journey, it still meant a lot to me.

In the end, it doesn’t matter. It’s just a race. A race I decided not to do because I need to be with family. I think finally accepting I couldn’t race made me also realize just how real all of this is. I think I’ve been able to hold back some of my emotion by focusing on the race and now that focus is falling apoart. So instead I’m heading to VA to be with my mom and family because that is what is important in life.

The events of these past several months have shaped my season into something I wasn’t expecting. I’m not sure what to expect as I move towards my new A race. I don’t know what my training will shape up to be, not because I’m not physical able, but because I don’t know what I’ll want to do. The drive needs to be there to roll you out of bed at 4:30, to push hard during 10x100 swims or even to control myself to keep my heart rate down when all I want to do is sprint through the my emotions. What I do know, is I need to remind myself of my promise about the half. That this would be a fun race, a race to see what I could do, to see what this distance was about, not a race for time. Next year is for actually racing. This year is about forward motion, whatever that might look like, one step at a time. I’m not doing my first A race. Moving on.