If you didn’t have to work, would you? Majority will answer with a firm “no”. If you answer yes, it means you don’t want to retire. I either feel sorry that so much of your self-worth and identity is wrapped up into your career or extremely jealous that you are that passionate about what you do. Let’s explore my answer by taking a trip down memory lane.
I applied to the College of Engineering at VT based on the idea that I would be good at it and as a female engineer, I could almost guarantee I would have a job and it would pay well. The engineering world is still primarily men and while I don’t agree with being picked over a more qualified candidate based on my gender, I was going to use the system put in place to my advantage. No part of my decision was based on what I enjoyed doing or thought I might become passionate about. I didn’t have a particular direction I wanted to use my degree other than knowing I wanted to be a mechanical engineer. The decision was purely logical. Get a degree with the highest return on investment within my capabilities.
In 2010 I graduated and moved to York, PA to work for a company designing large tonnage chillers. A year later I married my husband. On our wedding day, I made many promises to him in my personally written vows. Some humorous, some serious. One promise was that I would bother him every day to stop working until he let me. The guests laughed but I knew, deep down, it was only kind of a joke. He knew it too. Exactly a month later we started our new jobs at GE in Greenville, SC where I have been working ever since.
The idea that “success means financial success” had been driving my career. How can I make the most money? What job is viewed as prestigious? How can I prove a female can be successful in this male dominated world? I stopped asking those questions and instead started asking the important questions. What do I want out of life? What do I want it to look like? What will bring me true happiness and joy? What do I have to do to achieve those things?
Let’s be real, money is very important but it’s not everything. I remember reading some study that determined you need to make around $60K to be happy. Essentially enough that you don’t have to worry about money. Making large amounts of money beyond that did not improve the level of happiness in people. Yet as a society, wealth is THE status symbol, something we all strive towards. But is the amount we have in our bank account what we want to be remembered by, what we want to be the driving force in how we spend our time day to day?
After lots of debating and discussions with my husband, we decided I could switch to working part time. I will always be thankful to GE for allowing me to do this as it was not common practice, especially since I wasn’t a mother. Many people were surprised by this decision, they did not understand. Some assumed it was so I could have more time for training. In fact, it did not change the amount of time I trained, it only shifted when I did my second workout a few days of the week. I felt a level of judgement which took me a while to move past. But I was happier and in return it made me a better wife, friend and daughter. As my husband says, happy wife, happy life.
Part of the agreement I made with my husband was to take on more of the day to day house work. I did all the meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking. I ran all the errands, walked the dog, did the majority of the laundry and cleaning. In many ways we have a more traditional marriage and it works well for us. By doing all of this and some of my training during hours I’d normally be in the office, I was able to free up time in the evenings and weekends for us. I always felt this need to be busy and productive during those typical office hours to prove my worth. I was not making as much money, therefore, I must provide some other value.
With changing to part time, my view of the actual job changed as well. I still did my base job very well and everyone knew they could count on me to get my work done. But I was no longer trying to take on big projects that would have me presenting to upper management. I wasn’t chasing another promotion. I just settled into work being another piece of my routine, a piece that simply needed to be done.
Years went by, nothing changed. At times I was very unhappy and frustrated with my job but I held it in and chugged along. My love of triathlons and fitness had also not changed but in a positive way. It was a constant passion and I always wanted to learn more, do more. I eventually decided to get my USAT coaching certification and try working for my previous coach as a side job. I was willing to commit extra time to working if it was something I really enjoyed, even if I could make way more money working more hours as an engineer. However, a few months into that endeavor, the pandemic hit. Races were cancelled, people didn’t need coaching and it was hard to find new clients. Between that, the pandemic, my body not cooperating and other things going on in my life, I became discouraged and at times was very unhappy. A large part of my life felt stuck and I didn’t know how to pry myself free.
I eventually started seeing a therapist, then a different one who specialized in sports which was a much better fit. I truly believe everyone could use at least a little therapy. We covered a lot of topics and as you can expect, aspects of my childhood came up along with my unhappiness at my job. She suggested maybe it was time to move on from my job. I was nearing a point where financially I did not need to work anymore. My husband and I have been working hard towards our financial goals, individually since we were teenagers and together once we were married. We both made the best decisions possible to maximize what we were given in our fortunate starts to life. At this point we were close to hitting two of our big financial goals and after that my husband said I could quit working. By my August birthday, we hit our goals and he gave me the green light. He was giving me everything I promised him I wanted when we got married. And yet, I could not pull the plug.
Have you ever had an idea your mind kept returning to over and over again, as if you were being pulled or even pushed towards it? For me that idea was coaching. It was a debate about whether I completely give up on the endeavor or fully reinvest myself into it, more so than in the beginning. I kept returning to the idea of starting my own coaching business. Initially I had decided to work for another coaching business since it seemed like it would be easier and less risky than starting my own business. But life is not about taking the easy road or avoiding risk. True growth comes from walking down the difficult path. To choose that path, I had to overcome fear.
To a certain extent, all those fears are still inside me. Failure is an inevitable part of life. People will judge you no matter how you live your life. Other’s opinions should not impact your decisions though, especially those who have little impact in your life. I knew I had to move forward despite the fears. “I have accepted fear as part of life – specifically the fear of change…I have gone ahead despite the pounding in my heart that says: turn back.” – Erica Jong. And so, I moved forward.
I created my own coaching business, Happy Pace Coaching. The details of that are a story for another time. It was getting harder to balance the coaching job, engineering job and other responsibilities and I knew it was time for something to give. To take that jump despite the fear.
On the first day back to work in the new year, as if part of some “new year, new me” resolution, I called my boss and gave my notice. After I hit the submit button on the email with my resignation letter to my boss and HR, I broke out into this weird happy cry/laugh. It was so unexpected and like no emotion I'd experienced before. It was a buildup of all the emotions I'd worked through for months leading into this decision wrapped into one odd outburst. The closest experience I could think of was after finishing my first Ironman. So much hard work built up into finally crossing a finish line.
Some of my fears of judgement were pushed aside as I told people at work that I was leaving. Beyond the typical "congrats!" you get when changing jobs, people were truly happy I was moving onto something I'm passionate about. I’ve always said the two things I liked about my job was the schedule flexibility and more importantly, the people. I built a lot of good relationships with people over the years and I will truly miss not being able to see them every week. We’ve all been working from home for almost two years so losing that weekly connection made it easier for me to take the last step to move on.
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